Behind blue Eyes
by asa-chan
Summary: Naruto: This is my reason, this is worth to live, this wish, the dream is what helps me to keep on living, the dream of becoming Hokage, a human. But I'm too weak to face my life. SasuNaru


**Behind Blue Eyes**

A Naruto Fanfiction 

_By asa-chan_

**Note:** This is a songfic and Shonen Ai. That's it. 

**_Warning:_** PG-13, suicide, death 

**Pairing:** Hints of Sasuke/Naruto 

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Naruto 

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**_//Blah//_** - Lyrics 

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Why do humans hate? Why do humans fear? Why does their fear turns to hate? Why do they hate me? Why do all the villagers despise me? Why do the children avoid me? Why am I so lonely? Why can't I be loved? Why? Why? Don't I deserve some loving and kindness? Please don't be so cruel and cold, don't hate me, give me a smile, acknowledge me. 

Please, or I will start crying. I can't stand to cry. I'm a ninja, in my own way, so please look at me and see my true self, not Kyuubi, not Naruto Uzumai, the loud, annoying brat. Please see me, not my fox smile or my false cheerfulness. I have feelings and emotions too, I am not the demon, not Kyuubi, just Naruto. 

See my sadness, pain and emptiness. Feel my misery, look me in the eye: What do you see? 

My clear blue orbs? 

What are you trying to ignore? 

That I'm a human too? 

What do you want to see? 

The vessel of the Kyuubi, an noisy brat, dead last, untalented shinobi? 

What can you feel, see, hear? Fear. Hate. The Kyuubi. My annoying voice. 

See behind my mask, this is all I want. Don't ignore me!! Don't walk away, don't turn your back towards me! Pay attention to me! 

**_//_****_No one knows what it's like   
To be the bad man   
To be the sad man   
Behind blue eyes //_**

Hate. Is such a strong word. So fitting for the people of Konoha. Eyes so cold, whenever they gaze at me. 

Was it my destiny, to be the holder of the demon? Destiny, fate, just like Neji said? Am I wrong? Again? Again. Again... 

Do I have to repeat myself everytime? 

Hate 

I am hated. 

Fate 

I am fated. 

"I don't need your help or stupid compassion, Uchiha. You don't know what the feeling of true loneliness is. Fuck off." 

**_//An' no one knows what it's like   
To be hated   
To be fated   
To telling only lies//_**

"I will become the Hokage one day, I will be acknowledged by everyone, then Sakura-chan will be impressed and fall in love with me! With me! Hahahaha!!" 

My treasured wish, my precious dream. Hours after hours I thought, on my lonely swing, coming up with crazy plans, planned possibilities, wishes mingling together with dreams. 

Hokage. Every part of my body, every cell, has this wish, is determinded to accomplish that. This is my reason, this is worth to live, this wish, the dream is, what helps me to keep on living, the dream of becoming Hokage, a human. 

I want to be a normal human. 

I will be a normal human. 

Hours full of boredom, full of loneliness, full or anguish and pain. Planning, brainstorming, thinking, thinking, thinking. Caged up in my room, pacing, like a trapped animal, trying to be free, trying to break the laws of nature, animal traits mixed with human traits. Naruto, with the Kyuubi imprisoned in his body, the demon pawing at the walls of Naruto's stomach, trying to break free, wreak havoc, destruction, terror, chaos. 

**_//But my dreams   
They aren't as empty   
As my conscience seems to be   
I have hours, only lonely   
My love is vengeance  
That's never free//_**

Stupid Sasuke. Annoying bastard Sasuke. Asshole Sasuke. Sasuke, with his burning, red eyes, freezing me, even when is gaze is so hot, only for me, the passion and hate helps him to keep the flame alive. 

Dumb Sasuke. Thinking his fate was so terrible. I never had loving parents, they were murdered before I ever knew them. Isn't that so sad? And you're so sad, so pathetic Sasuke. 

Poor Sasuke, who had his parents killed. Stupid Naruto, who was, thank god, orphaned. Poor Sasuke, he just needs some loving. Stupid Naruto, hate him. Great Sasuke, he is a genius! Stupid Naruto, he is a weakling. 

I hate you Sasuke. Why are you so loved, well likes, treasured, respected, you only survivor of the Uchiha clan? Why weren't you killed? Why were you spared? Poor tragic hero, trying to get revenge, even when you're so weak. 

It's all your fault. I wish, you had died too. If only I hadn't protected you. I hate you. Not hated you. I wish you would go away. Disappear. Vanish. Fade away to nothingness. 

So why are you still on my mind? Why am I trying to get you to acknowledge me? 

It's all your fault. 

//**_No one knows what it's like   
To feel these feelin's   
Like I do   
And I blame you //_**

But I am so talented. So good at acting. Nobody can see through my mask, full of smiles, smirks, grins, taunting words, full ego, loud voice. My fox grin keeps everyone from noticing anything. Even Sakura can't see through my mask, being very good at genjutsu, even Iruka-sensei can't see through my smiles, being my guardian and only friend, even Kakashi-sensei can't sense my pain and anger, being a jounin and my teacher, even you Sasuke can't hear my heart breaking, being observant and having the priced Sharingan, when you and the others ignore me. 

Continue and I will keep on my false smiling.this is all I can do, while I am wishing to be dead. 

**_//No one bites back as hard   
On their anger   
None of my pain an' woe   
Can show through //_**

But I will keep on living, trying to achieve my dream of becoming the Hokage. 

**_//But my dreams   
They aren't as empty   
As my conscience seems to be   
I have hours, only lonely   
My love is vengeance   
That's never free //_**

My hands becomes limp, Sasuke, like the rest of my body, ..... I am still lying, ..... My dream, my ambitition, vanishes into the welcoming darkness. When will you discover me, after my body is ice-cold? After my corpse already begings to rot? Will you even discover me, worrying enough to try and find me? 

What will you do? Be happy? Be sad? Be emotionless? 

Answer me. 

**_//L-I-M-P...   
Say it...  
Discover...//_**

My sight is getting darker every second, and I close my eyes in defeat. I wasn't strong enough Sasuke, not strong enough to stop you from joining Orochimaru, not strong enough to face my life. Please forgive me? Will you forgive me? Won't you forgive me? 

My lids slowly close, hiding my blue eyes.... 

No one, excluding the adults, will ever know.... 

**_//No one knows what it's like   
To be mistreated   
To be defeated   
Behind blue eyes //_**

You're crying now Sasuke? And the others are sobbing? I can't believe it. Don't cry Sakura, tears don't suit you. Don't mourn Iruka-sensei, you did enough for me. Don't look guitly like that Kakashi-sensei, it isn't your fault. Don't sob over my stiff body Sasuke, I'm not worth it. A sobbing Sasuke is not you. 

Don't dare to say villagers, 'we never wanted that to happen' Don't lie to them. Tell them the truth, tell them how you despised me, hated me, feared me. 

**_//And no one knows how to say  
That they're sorry   
An' don't worry   
I'm not telling lies //_**

This is my vengeance, Sasuke. Suffer. But don't cry. This is my love for you, so be happy. 

**_//But my dreams   
They aren't as empty   
As my conscience seems to be   
I have hours, only lonely   
My love is vengeance   
That's never free//_**

My blue eyes will be now forever closed, but tell me Sasuke,does the blood red match the blue of my eyes? So pretty red, like blood, like your eyes, like Kyuubi's eyes. 

Don't cry. 

After all, I'm not alone anymore. I had your love. It's for the better now. I'm still with you. Even in death. Chained to you. To you and your love. 

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A piece of paper fluttered to the ground, a photograph of Naruto was on it and there stood: 

Patient: Naruto Uzumaki. 

Age: Sixteen 

Cause of death: Suicide (Cut both of his wrists open) 

Status: Dead 

............................................... 

**Blue**: Colour of loyalty 

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**-The End-**

asa-chan: That was depressing. Oh well, review please? 

  


  


  


  


  


  



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